I Want You
by mpaige13
Summary: Bella Swan has gotten really close to Edward Cullen this year. So close that she has fallen in love with him. When she admits her feelings, he wants nothing to do with her. Did he lie? What does he really want?
1. Chapter 1

I sat on my bed and tried to understand the situation. I needed to understand my own feelings. Why was I falling for Edward? He obviously did not have feelings for me because he talks about how good friends we are. He doesn't want anything more. Does he? I had become really close to Edward Cullen this year. It all started in Biology when we had to sit next to each other. We would talk and work on projects together. I never could really talk to anyone before him. But not once did he ever try to kiss me or touch me or even hug me. Yet I want to do all those things and more to him. Oh goodness, I really need to stop thinking those things. My mind wanders into these fantasies when I'm with him. My cheeks turn to a deep shade of pink and I can't face him. He always asks what is wrong but I lie. I have to. But now it's becoming unbearable and I have to say something. A knock at the door disrupts my thoughts. I go downstairs to answer it and to my shock Edward Cullen is at my doorstep.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" I knew for a fact that we didn't have any projects in Biology.

"I just wanted to see how you were. Last time you saw me, you looked really upset." _That's because I want you._ No, don't think that, Bella.

"Um, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed." _Please believe that_

"Liar. Did anyone ever tell you that you are a horrible liar Bella Swan?" he asked. His brilliant smile made me melt even more.

"All the time," I say and attempt to smile back. I let him inside and lead him to my room. I sat on the bed and watched him pace. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then why are you pacing like that?" He looks down and smiles sheepishly.

"I had no idea I was doing it actually." He sat on the bed and looked at my face. I suddenly became aware of the two inches of bed that separated my left leg from his right. It was like electricity. I had to change positions so I sat on the center of my bed with my legs crossed.

"So, why are you really here, Edward? I think you should tell me."

"To be perfectly honest, Bella, I don't know. I just felt like I needed to see you, to talk to you." I knew this was the perfect time to tell him how I really felt but I didn't know if I could. Rejection was always my biggest fear. Why would he pick me anyways, he always has girls falling all over him at school. How am I different? "I really like you, Bella. I feel like I can talk to you about anything."

"I feel the same way for you." My eyes began to water and I could tell I was already crying.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he asked, genuinely concerned. He tried sit next to me but I stood up instead.

"Nothing's wrong." I wiped the stray tears and prayed that no more would fall.

"Stop lying and tell me the truth." I couldn't tell him the truth, because it would hurt too much. "Please Bella, I'm your friend."

"That's the problem," I mutter.

"What?"

"Edward, I can't be your friend," I tell him. The hurt look on his face is one that I will never forget.

"Why not?"

"Because it's just better if we aren't friends."

"I need a better reason than that."

"Fine, you want a better reason? Well, here it is. I love you." I sucked in a breath when I realized that I actually said that. Oh, goodness.

"What did you say?" he asked, obviously trying to make sure he heard me correctly.

"I love you Edward Cullen. I'm in love with you." I made sure he heard every word. I blinked away my tears so I could see his face and I noticed that he was looking at the floor. I decided that this would be my opportunity so I continued. "I don't know when it started but I can't be away from you. My heart beats a lot faster when I'm near you and it's harder to breathe. I've tried to suppress it but nothing works. I want you." The tears had stopped as my confidence grew. I reached out and held his right hand with my left. "You're so cold." He immediately dropped my hand and rubbed his on his pants.

"I think that you were right the first time. We shouldn't be friends Bella." I smiled. Was this really happening? "I think we shouldn't see each other at all." He looked at my face for a second and abruptly walked out of my house. I took a deep breath and collapsed on my bed. He said he didn't want me. I didn't know how I could face him the next day.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I just left Bella's house. Yes, I am ashamed at my actions but I didn't know what else I could do. I knew it was a bad idea to go over that day. Why did I always have to listen to Alice? She said that I needed to see Bella right away. I thought the girl was hurt! Alice, stubborn and persistent as always, insisted and said that it was the right thing to do. Why couldn't I have Alice's gift? It would have been a lot easier than trying to block out people's personal dialog from my head. I definitely know why someone coined the term, "TMI = too much information". Seriously, there are some things that I really don't need to know about people, especially the teenagers who attend Forks High School. Anyway, back to how I'm a complete jerk.

When I first saw Bella, she confused me. I tried to "hear" her but somehow I was unable to. Ok I thought it was a little odd that Bella was different than everyone else but I moved on. Then in Biology, she walked by that fan. God, if only she didn't do that. If only I never had the opportunity to smell the luscious scent that flows off her body. Suddenly there was fire, tons and tons and the burning in my throat got hotter. I was losing control. It was thirst. I have never been so thirsty in all of my existence. I wanted to kill this girl. I needed to kill this girl.

She sat next to me but I shielded away from her like she was disgusting vomit. I saw the hurt and confused look in her eyes but what else could I do? She smelled so damn good. That was the longest class period of my existence. I plotted numerous ways that I could kill her and of course slaughter everyone else in the room as well. I am a monster after all.

That night, I told them I had to leave. I had to go away or I would kill this innocent beautiful girl to fulfill the strongest thirst I had ever had. I couldn't do that. Carlisle did not raise me to murder the innocents. So I left. And I wondered. I thought about her all the time. Bella Swan. I knew that I needed to go back. To go back to my existence as a teenager in Forks. I couldn't hide anymore.

The first day I was back in Biology she was surprised. I talked to her. I needed to get to know her. To understand her. We slowly became friends worked on Bio projects together. I felt like I could tell her almost anything. Almost. I still couldn't quite tell her of the deepest yet obvious secret of mine. That I, Edward Cullen, was a vampire.

Then Alice told me to go to Bella's house, so I went. I was shocked to hear the words that tumbled out this beautiful human's mouth. She loved me? I didn't know what to do. Yes, I felt strongly for her but not only for her blood. She fascinates me. She is so beautiful yet so incredibly breakable. I know that if I tried I could break her with one twist of my hand. But how did I truly feel for Bella? Yes, I think I love her. I know I want her but am I worthy enough for her too spend time with me. I know all to well that the human life is short. I would not want her to waste any of it loving me. I wouldn't allow it. I'm not worth it. I'm not worth love.

So I ran again. I lied to Bella. I told her that I don't want to see her. I had to do it. I wasn't going to ruin her life. So I packed my things, told my family, and headed north. I knew this was temporary but a necessary trip. Goodbye my Bella. I am not sure if I am ready for her reaction when I return.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

School. Normally, I'm anxious to go to see Edward's face, to hear his voice, to feel his presence near me in Bio. But not today. I was dreading seeing him today. I didn't know if I could face him. He turned me down. I mean what was I going to expect? Edward Cullen wanting me, Bella Swan? Yeah, right. He's gorgeous, smart, beautiful, and perfect. And then there's me: a klutz. Yup, that pretty much sums up my life so far. Why would a guy like Edward be interested in a girl like me? No wonder he left my house.

Thoughts were circling around in my head when my red truck pulled up to school. I sucked in a breath as I got out and looked around for the silver Volvo that I knew so well. My left eye twitched when I saw it discreetly parked in the corner of the parking lot. That's great. He's probably gonna ask to switch seats in Bio. Well at least I won't have to talk to him then. I went to my locker and then to my first period class. Mike sat down next to me as usual. He was more animated than before and I struggled to ask him what made him so happy. He probably heard that Edward turned me down. The whole school probably knows. Great.

The day passed by sorta quickly. I tried to distract myself by paying extra attention in class and taking a lot of notes. Yet, somehow I would always start doodling and it would always end up as a picture of his face. It was lunchtime and I walked slower than usual. I didn't want to rush because I needed something to say to him, you know, just in case. My heart pounded extra hard as I entered the white room. I made sure that I kept my eyes off of the table in the corner, in fear that he would be glaring at me. As I got my food, followed by Mike, I sat down at the table with my friends. During a joke when the entire group began laughing, I succumbed to the urge and glanced briefly over my shoulder to the table in the corner. Four people.

Edward was not with the others. That was odd. I was wondering if he was even in school today. No, he wouldn't ditch just because of me. Would he? My stomach began turning and I suddenly lost my appetite. Angela stared speaking so I looked in her direction.

"Bella, are you alright? You look green." She looked worried and I faked a smile. I needed to hide the truth.

"Yeah, I just have a slight stomachache. I'm not really hungry anymore." I could see Mike eyeing my nachos and I pushed my plate in front of him.

"You sure Bella? Cause if you want them…"

"I'm positive, Mike. Eat," I instructed. He didn't need me to tell him again because he began devouring the chips. I chuckled. Boys. Always hungry.

Mike walked with me to Bio talking about who knows what. I was distracted. My mid filled with thoughts of Edward. What his face looked like when I told him. How it looked when he left. I fought back tears when I entered the room, afraid of what was to happen. Mike laughed, said he'd talk to me later and walked to his seat. I took a deep breath and shifted my glance to the other side of the room, only to find an empty desk. No Edward Cullen. No wonder mike was in such a good mood today.

I walked to my lab table and sat down in my chair. I couldn't help but look over at the vacant seat next to me. Why was he the only one absent? Usually, either they are all here or all absent. Well except that one time, right after I first moved here. I couldn't fight back the tears as I came to the realization of the situation. I let my hair down as I cried softly. Tears just kept streaming down my face. Edward Cullen is not here because of me. He left because of me.

"_Edward, I can't be your friend." _

"_Why not?" _

"_Because it's just better if we aren't friends."_

"_I need a better reason than that."_

"_Fine, you want a better reason? Well, here it is. I love you." _

"_What did you say?" _

"_I love you Edward Cullen. I'm in love with you. I don't know when it started but I can't be away from you. My heart beats a lot faster when I'm near you and it's harder to breathe. I've tried to suppress it but nothing works. I want you." _

"_I think that you were right the first time. We shouldn't be friends Bella. I think we shouldn't see each other at all." _

My breath caught in my throat as I remembered the conversation before he left. He didn't want me. I had to get over it. I can survive this. I don't need Edward Cullen. The more I thought about it the more I realized that he is a coward. He can't even man up to face me. Wimp. I chuckled slightly as I pictured his perfect crooked smile. I still wanted him and even though I hated to admit it, I don't think I will be over him anytime soon. As I wiped stray tears from my eyes, I noticed that my cell phone vibrated. I just received a text message. It was from Jacob Black.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After school had ended I drove to the reservation to see Jacob. I got a text from him in Bio and it said that he wanted to hang out. Even though I was not in the best mood, with Edward not being in school because of me, I figured that I was allowed to have some fun. My mind kept wandering back to Edward but I promised myself that Jacob was my focus for today. My rusty red truck pulled up in front of Jacob's small house and he was at my door before I turned off the engine. I opened the door and Jacob pulled me out of the truck and into a big hug.

"Hey Bella!" he practically shouted into my ear.

"Jacob, I'm not deaf. You don't need to scream." I laughed and he blushed slightly. Jacob was one of the Quileute Indians on the reservation so he didn't go to Forks High School. Our dads knew each other and every summer that I visited Forks, we would hang out.

"So what do you want to do?"

"Uhhh, I don't know, you were the one who asked me to come over. Don't you have a plan?"

"Well, yes but I don't know if you'll go for it." He looked at the sand.

"Depends on how illegal it is Jacob Black."

"What?! Illegal? I would never do anything like that," he said and smirked. "I'm a good boy." I laughed at his attempt to look innocent.

"Whatever you say."

"Come on." He dragged me behind his house to his garage where I noticed we were not alone. "Bella, you may not remember them too well but this is Quil and Embry." He pointed to the two other boys in the garage. I smiled at them and they seemed friendly.

"So Bella, have you ever been to a real bonfire?" Embry asked.

"Yeah, legit," Quil added.

"Um, no. We don't really do that in Phoenix."

"Well, then you gotta stay tonight Bells. You will love it," said Jacob.

"Ok, but only if you don't scream in my ear anymore. Got it Mr. Black?"

"It's a deal." He had that evil smirk on his face as I followed him, Embry, and Quil back to his house. Yet, that smirk was not the crooked smile that I wanted to see even more.

That night as it started to get dark, the local kids started lighting some logs that they took from the beach. Beautiful colors danced from the flames into the night sky. I sat in awe of the dazzling spectacle in front of me. I was seated next to Jacob. We were sitting on logs with some of his friends from the reservation. They were talking about their favorite legends that they heard from the elders. One struck my interest.

"What do you mean cold ones?" I asked. He judged my expression to see if he could continue.

"Most people call them vampires," Jacob informed me. I must have stared at him in horror because he continued talking. "Back when our great-grandfathers were the leaders of the tribe, the cold ones came. We didn't want them anywhere near our land but they insisted that they wouldn't harm humans." I gulped and everyone was quiet, listening to Jacob and the crackling sparks of the fire. "They called themselves vegetarians although we know that it's quite impossible for them to be defined by that term. There leader is the same today. There are apparently two new 'family' members."

"Jacob, is this real?" I was getting scared. Although I liked scary stories, I had to admit that they frightened me.

"Bells, don't worry it's just a story. Do you believe everything you hear?" he whispered in my ear.

"Sometimes." I playfully shoved him. It was nice to sit with Jacob. I leaned against him and instantly felt the warmth radiating off of his body. I was immediately filled with a sensation of comfort although he was not the person who I wish I could be with. He put his arm around me and gave me a squeeze. Sometimes I think that Jacob doesn't know his own strength. I started laughing quietly.

"What's so funny?"

"You're squishing me, Jacob Black." It came out as more of a whimper chuckle.

"Oh." His face flushed and I wondered if I was being too flirty. "Sorry about that." He put his hands to his sides and moved away from me a little. I liked Jacob, honestly I did. But did I like him enough? Did I like him enough as Edward?

"Jacob, I didn't mean to offend you. You were literally crushing me." He looked at me with sad eyes as if he just remembered something. Jacob stood up and walked down the dark dirt road. There were tall lamps so I could see where he was going. I followed.

"Bella, why are you following me?" he asked when we were far enough away from the group. In the darkness, I could barely see the tears stinging his eyes.

"Tell me what's wrong. Jacob, are you alright?" I said and before I could get a truthful answer, he pulled me into a kiss. It was strong and definitely unexpected. I could feel him forcing himself on me, pushing us together. His lips were warm and powerful. I had to admit, except for the fact that I couldn't breathe, it was nice. He noticed me go limp and released his tight grasp. Once we were apart, I slapped him across the face. He winced a little but he couldn't deny that he deserved it.

"What did you do that for Bells?" he smirked. His demeanor changed from upset to proud.

"I could ask you the same thing," I muffed.

"Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it."

"Jacob, you can't just go around kissing people like that. It's rude." I tried to walk away back to the fire but he stood in my path.

"Will you go out with me, Bella?" I froze. Jacob Black was asking me out. On a date! I didn't know how to respond.

"Sure Jacob that would be nice." I let him win because I didn't know how I felt. Jacob was a good friend but he be something more? I wasn't sure but I did know that it made him happy. As we walked back to the fire, I couldn't help but think about someone who gave me chills.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I was sitting on my bed, staring at the reflection in the mirror. I knew that I was gonna be late but I didn't care. I brushed my medium length brown hair and put on some mascara. I tried to smile at my reflection then frowned. This was as good as it's gonna get. I really don't understand why Jacob wants to go out with me tonight. I don't find myself attractive at all. No wonder Edward didn't want me. Edward. Ugh, I had to stop thinking about him. I needed to focus on Jacob tonight. I wore my nicest pair of skinny jeans and white flats. I also had on a relatively new blouse that I had gotten in Phoenix. I didn't want to look too nice but it was a date after all.

Since Jacob didn't have his license yet, I drove to the reservation to pick him up. When I got there, my red truck sounded like it was dying. I didn't think anything of it since the sound was what I had come to expect from this old thing. Jacob walked outside and I had to blink twice when I saw him. He looked completely different, in a good way. His long black hair was shorter now and loosely tousled on the top of his head. Some of the long pieces fell past his eyes. He was wearing a new blue shirt that I had to admit, looked really good on him. When he saw me, his smile grew wider.

"The truck sounds good."

"You cut your hair."

"Do you like it? I was sorta bored of the long hair that everyone here has." He stared at my face, waiting for my answer.

"It looks really good Jacob." I smiled and was slightly impressed. The only problem was that now when I looked at him, I saw someone else. Someone who I was not supposed to be thinking about. Yet, he did look different. His hair was still longer and definitely different from that golden brown that I longed to touch.

"Thanks," he responded and leaned against the side of my car. "You know I was gonna take you out to dinner but since I can't drive I thought I could do something a little different."

"I could drive, I have a truck you know." I hit the side of my truck and felt a pain in my hand. I winced and he chuckled.

"That car is stronger than you Bella," he told me and I stuck my tongue out at him. He started walking towards the woods and I followed.

"What are we gonna do in the woods?" I was confused. A date in the woods? Well I have heard of horror stories where the unsuspecting girl gets killed in the woods. I gulped but then realized that I was with Jacob, the one person in Forks that I have known all my life. I calmed down a little and followed. He stopped in a clearing where there were some logs. He pulled out a match and surprisingly lit a fire on his first try. Jacob lifted a blanket to reveal an old shabby picnic basket lying beneath. We sat down and he began to speak.

"I mean it's not a fancy restaurant but I don't know I thought it would be…nice." He looked nervous as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"It is nice," I assured him. That was the truth. This was more than I had expected from Jacob Black. It was sorta romantic. He got out the food and we enjoyed a nice dinner by the fire.

"Wow Jake, you sure can eat a lot," I remarked, surprised at how much food my friend had piled into his mouth. He blushed.

"Sorry, I tend to overeat when I'm nervous."

"You don't have to be nervous, Jacob. You've known me forever."

"I know. I guess I have no real reason then."

"Not really. But please don't tell me any more Quileute legends because that will make me nervous." I laughed softly hoping it would make him smile too.

"Oh, Bella Swan can't take a little tiny eeny weeny scary story?" He laughed, trying to edge me on.

"No," I said, hoping he would quit.

"Well then you're kinda a wimp," he said and got up to check the fire.

"A wimp?! I am definitely not a wimp Jacob Black."

"Right," he said in a very sarcastic tone and looked in my direction out of the corner of his eyes.

"I'm not!" Ok, I was getting angry now.

"Prove it."

"What?"

"You heard me, Bella. Prove it. I want you to walk into that cave by yourself and sit there for three minutes." He was standing in front of me with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Fine." I walked to the cave that I hadn't even noticed before. I took one look back and saw Jacob staring at me. I gulped and walked in. It was pitch-black because the fire was too far away and I didn't have a match. I could hear the droplets of water fall from the ceiling and hit the rock floor. I bumped into a large stone which I preceded to sit on. It was cold and wet. I honestly didn't mind the cold but my hands were becoming slimy from the wet rock. Suddenly, I could hear a noise from the back of the cave. It didn't sound human. The tiny hairs stood up on the back of my neck. It growled again. No, it definitely sounded more like a wolf.

"Who's there? Jacob?" I called out but no one answered. "Jacob, that's not funny." The growling began again and this time it sounded more menacing. I began walking closer to the sound, trying to remember what self-defense I had learned back in Phoenix. I raised my fist and spoke again. "Whoever you are, you better watch out!" Oh gosh, I was lame. Just then a flashlight flicked on to reveal the smiling face of Jacob. "AHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed and he began laughing. I slapped him hard on the face but it seemed to hurt me more than him.

"Ow Bella, you really shouldn't go around slapping people. It's rude." He walked to the edge of the cave and back to the fire. I followed.

"Jacob, what the hell?! Why would you do something like that?"

"Ummm, it's funny." I slapped him again. "Ok, ok. I deserved that. I'm sorry Bella and I promise to never do it again." I scowled at him and began walking back to his house. He stood in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Please forgive me."

"Fine." I walked back to the fire.

"Can I just ask you one question?"

"Ok, but it better be appropriate or you're getting another slap or maybe even a punch this time." I tried to look severe but I guess it didn't work because his smile just grew wider.

"When I turned on the flashlight, I could see your arms and legs in weird positions. What were you trying to do?" I scowled.

"I was gonna fight the wolf."

"Fight the wolf? Bella, I don't think you will win. Nothing can beat the wolf."

"You had me fooled. I really thought there was a wolf in there."

"Yeah I have gotten pretty good at mimicking the wolves over the last few years. But seriously Bella, I promise not to scare you again." He took a step closer to me and seemed very sincere.

"Ok."

"I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Me too." He smiled and leaned in close to me. I didn't know what to do so I let his lips brush mine. He kept at it and before I knew it, we were making out. O God. I backed away and tried to smile up at him. He believed me and grabbed my hand and led me back to his house.

Once we got to where my car was parked, Jacob let go of my hand. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I didn't know what I wanted. Did I want him to date me or just be my friend? It was all very confusing for my emotions kept tossing and turning inside my head.

"See ya around Bella," he told me and opened my car door for me.

"Night Jacob." I smiled as I got in the truck and closed the door. I drove off and looked in the rearview mirror to see Jacob smiling and waving. It made me smile because I knew that Jacob was letting me win. He was letting me choose what I wanted. He never changed and that's what I love about him. But do I actually love him? I don't know.

The next day, I woke up and got ready for school. I was prepared to get a quiz on Wuthering Heights, which I didn't study for but since I have read that book 5 times, I will probably do fine. I parked my car in the parking lot and unfortunately noticed the shiny silver Volvo in the corner. Great. Well, the car didn't actually mean that Edward was in school today. Edward. Even thinking his name put butterflies in my stomach. I took a deep breath and headed to class. The day was normal. Boring. At lunch, I looked at the table in the corner and saw 4 people. Typical. Walking to Bio was nothing new.

Even though I figured that he wouldn't be there my breath still caught in my throat as I entered the room. This time though, I forgot to breathe. As I looked at my usually empty table, I noticed that something was different. The seat next to mine was occupied. I looked at the person to see two familiar topaz eyes staring back at me. My heart beat faster as I sat down in my seat. I fumbled with my notebook, desperate for a distraction. I could feel his presence next to me without even looking up.

"Hello, Bella," Edward Cullen told me.


End file.
